Letters To Alice
by Victoria.Maundrell
Summary: Ever wonder what Bella was writting in her emails to Alice when the Cullen's left during New Moon? This is the story telling you exactly what she was thinking and how she unraveled in her own words through her Letters to Alice.
1. Introduction

Ever find yourself wondering what was it that Bella wrote in her emails to Alice? Well this is a story telling you exactly what Bella went through when the Cullen's left during New Moon . It tells you how she struggled and eventually unraveled , it's told through her Letters To Alice.

What happens when all that you love is taken away?

How can you forget the unforgettable? And more importantly how can you forgive.

Letters to Alice

humor, hurt, pain, body mutilation, and sexual content

Reader discretion in advised


	2. Chapter 1

He took me to the woods to **DUMP** me Alice!

A little **WARNING** would've been nice? **WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?**

I'm soo pissed I want to scream but Charlie's home and he said one more peep out of me and he's sending me back to Rene's.

I'm , I don't even know what I am anymore. Where did you go Alice? I need my best friend. This is all like, really surreal.. I feel like I'm losing it. I've been in my room for the last three days I can't eat, I cant sleep and when I do finally fall asleep, I see him with me in the forest. And he's laughing at me, pointing his finger and laughing at me. Is he laughing Alice? Would you tell me? Was this all some type of cruel popular kid joke like in the movie Carrie when the hot guys asks her to go to prom only to humiliate her?

I mean he is incredibly hot, I couldn't believe he'd date me anyways. What am I saying of course he wanted to date me he knew I had incredible suction.

I mean I knew somewhere in my head that he was too good for me. Oh why, where are you Alice? Can't you see I'm dying without you? O That spot is my snots by the way. In case you were wondering.

He actually said "I'm no good for you" to me. What does that even mean Al, What does that even meannnnnnnn? **Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy? **

I even begged him to stay? I actually begged him like literally. After he dragged me half across the forest floor because I wouldn't let go of his leg and all.

He told me what I most feared. He said he didn't want me. I can not believe **THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME**. I thought he loved me? What did I do wrong? Just tell me and I'll change it? How long must I suffer? I get it. I do. Please just come back so we can all talk about this, please. I won't put anymore pressure on him to "turn" me. I promise, scouts honor!

I just need you guys to come back. I need you and I need Edward!

I can't stop crying. What am I going to tell everyone at school. Oh Gawd! This is beyond humiliating.

Please Ally tell me what to do. Alice please call me I never thought you would leave me too.

Alice whats going on? What happed to my forever? And why are you ignoring my phone calls? Did you change your number? Alice I'm so lost please just call me. I still love you Alice. I still love you all!

What's taking you so long, I said call me Alice.

**CALL ME ALREADY!**


	3. Chapter 2

_I in no way shape or form own any piece of Twilight. I'm just a poor fan who is **obsessed**. Now that we got that established on with the show._

_P.S don't even think about duplicating or copying this story without my written consent because it's rude! :o)_

Chapter 2

It's been 1 hour since the last time I wrote you and I was just checking to see if you wrote me back .

No such luck ehh!

Well I wasn't sure because I did leave my desk to go to the bathroom. Which was a huge inconvenience, but we won't have that problem again because I found a 15 pack of Depends in Charlie's bathroom and now I'm wearing them. It's pretty cool, I see why Charlie likes them.

Well I wasn't about to miss an email from you the very second that it came in. I mean the second you get this YOU BETTER call me. Because I'm **waaait-ting! **Also I'm on a hunger strike **AS IN STARVING **MYSELF until your return. So you better get here fast because I haven't eaten all day and **I'm STARVING! **

I'm practically a **skeleton ALREADY! **

Actually truth be told I did have breakfast but it was from an expired collectors edition box of Count Chocula cereal. I only ate it because he reminded me of EDWARD! **OH WHYYYYYYYYYY**, **WHYYYYYY! **Great now I can't stop crying now.

I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE THE STUPID CEREAL, SO IT DOESN'T EVEN **COUNT****! OHHH wahhhhhh The Count another freakin' vampire. **

Gawd why are you guys doing this to me? You guys are being such jerks? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU GUYS? I'm tired of waiting. Well until you guys call me or write me back. I'm going to take matters into my own hands and do something Edward told me not to do.

I'm going to do something **reckless **that's right you read it and I wrote it!

I'm going to be reckless so SOMEBODY BETTER GET BACK TO ME **IMMEDIATELY****.**

As in RIGHT NOW! Bippity Boppity Bo!

Open Sesame Seeds!

Eww, Eh, Eww, Aghh, Aghh, Ting, Tang, Wallah, Wallah, Bing, Bang.

Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice.

Wah Lah!

**Ohhh poo this isn't working at all call me. **

Love you mean it.

Bells-


	4. Chapter 3

_I'm going to do something __**reckless **__that's right you read it and I wrote it!_

_I'm going to be reckless so SOMEBODY BETTER GET BACK TO ME __**IMMEDIATELY.**_

_As in RIGHT NOW! …. __**Love you mean it. **_

_Bells-_

_**Yep, Disclaimer still stands: I in no way shape or form own any piece of The Twilight Saga, I'm just a poor lowly working bee, who's absolutely positively OBSESSED with the characters. It's true 4 out of 5 doctors would agree. :o) Enjoy!**_

Its been 3 weeks 4 days 9 hours 37 minutes and 52 seconds now 55 seconds, 57, 58 seconds okay lets round it off it's been 4 days 9 hours and 38 minutes since I last saw you. I'm beginning to think you guys are seriously serious about not coming back. I really do feel like its almost as if you were never here. Just want to let you know you** were here** and Charlie knows and I know and Jessica knows and Ben knows and Mike knows and the whole Forks knows you were here so good try but you're not fooling anyone. So you can come out, Come out where ever you are!

Oly, Oly Ox and FREEEEE!

Tag your it.

Michael…. Pol-lo!

Oh come on guys!

Like seriously I totally learned my lesson, this really sucks, I'm dying here! I'm a complete freak! Whyyyyyyyyyyy, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy oh the humanity! *sobs*

Alice tell Edward I miss him and if he doesn't return my phone call I'm coming to look for him. You can see it Alice, I've made my mind up. If you guys do not return home in one week, seven days flat American time then I'm going to make a cut across my arms and walk through the woods and hopefully find another vampire. You know Forks is crawling with them and I'll find one or a bear, A BEAR THAT WILL FREAKING KILL ME!

EDWARD if you ever loved me you'll come back. I'm tired of standing in the kitchen with the fridge open just to feel like your next to me. And I'm tired of freezing my Jack Rabbit 2010 special edition sparkling dildo just so it would feel like I was with you. I haven't showered since you left I'm wearing the same outfit you dumped me in. I have giant knots in my hair and while I **_have_** brushed my teeth that's as far as I will go!

Charlie's starting to leave my food in a tray in front of my door like I'm some type of loon in a mental facility. I mean so what that I haven't showered so what if I stand in open freezers and maybe once or twice he found my frozen dildo. I mean I'm a heart broken vulnerable teenage girl. Isn't that normal behavior? I've only have a few depends left (don't ask) so I hope you guys come back soon.

P.s. ask Carlisle what does it mean when it burns when I pee and I itch a lot. I also have a lot of pain and I'm really red *whispers "down there"*

P.p.s.s. Are you supposed to wash dildo's I mean its not real skin right?

Call me… I'll be waaaaait-ting.

Bella-


	5. Chapter 4

**Dear Alice,**

**My life sucks! Today started off really bad. Charlie is sooo mean he has no idea what its like to a teenage girl! I woke up this morning to the rudest awakening ever known to mankind. I just wanted to die! Charlie the sneaky big meanie that he is magicly brought me to the backyard while I was sleeping and dropped me on the ground and then turned the water hose on me. I couldn't stop crying! ****Bwahhhhhhhhh****! **

**Charlie cornered me and poured body wash all over me and then turned the hose on me again. He washed all the dirt off of my body with an extra long, extra soft car wash brush. I was completely trapped. **

**Oh the humanity!**

**He went as far as to hire a forensic cleaning crew to clean my room. He said_" These are the only people in the world that could get the smell of death out of your room". _**_**BWWAAAHHHHHHHH**_**!**

**Why? Why Oh Why? Now Edwards scent is no longer on me. **

**I have been violated! **

**It's. my. right. as. an. American. citizen. to. be. dirty. if. I. want. to. it's. my. body. I KNOW MY RIGHTS CHARLIE! I told him he was washing the Edward off of me to stop but he didn't. **

**Booo who who who whoooooooo! **

**After hosing me down like a dog he poured more body wash all over me and he did this ****AGAIN and AGAIN! **

**Charlie then made me take off my shirt and sweatpants and put them in a crime scene bag and seal it shut.****. He then took that bag and sealed it into another, then he placed those sealed bags into a Bio-Hazard bag and sealed that. **

**I thought the worst was out of the way, Umm UMmm! ****That was before Charlie noticed what I was wearing "underneath"….**

**Charlie saw the Depends I was wearing and went completely nuts. He said _"That's it, THAT. IS. IT!" _He threw the hose and scrub brush to the floor and screamed_ "What the Fuck is wrong with you?" "Forget Florida I'm sending you to the nut house because you have clearly lost your Damn mind girl." _**

**I have never seen Charlie so mad before I was sooooo frightened. He then proceeded to curse and yell and stomp his feet like Yosemitti Sam while he marched/stomped in a complete circle as hard as he possibly could, I trully thought he would stomp his way straight to China. He then proceeded to beat his chest like King Kong & roared, Yes he actually roared!**

**It actually was quite funny and I would've laughed had I not been so scared for my life, but because I was scared I peed a little. I figured no one would know, I mean I was already soaking wet standing in my backyard with nothing but a bra and an old Depends on.**

**After his tantrum Charlie threw me some clothes in a sealed bag and said_" Get dressed Got damn it! "And I was wondering where that shit smell was coming from"_ He then told me to get dressed and I couldn't stop crying! **

**You wouldn't believe what was in the bag. Oh my Gawd! It was an old baby doll dress for a big child or small adult. I thought to myself apparently Charlie has some sick fetishes, because next were frilly socks and black patent leather Mary Jane shoes. I hope none of his "lady friends" wore this. **

**Then I thought Oh my gosh people during Edwards time probably wore dresses like this and now I love it. I'd like to see Charlie these this off of me. OVER MY DEAD BODY CHARLIE!**

**Apparently this alone wasn't enough tourture for his only daughter because Charlie took me to the salon to get my hair done and because it was sooo matted they had to cut a lot of it off. **

**I really didn't see what the big deal was when Charlie brought me to this really expensive and fancy salon.**** The women there apparently weren't used to seeing someone as adorable as myself *blink, blink, blink*, because they all gasped when I walked through the door. **

**A nice woman seated me at a station where apparently right when I walked in the woman quit. **

**So then I was moved to another station and the nice woman there wanted me to be really comfortable so she had another girl assist her. This lady took me to the sink to wash my hair and just as she started to wash my hair she got sick and started to vomit violently. **

**Humm, I wonder what she ate that morning. They took turns washing my hair, they had a really good system one would stop and one would leave to run to the bathroom. (They really should consider cutting down on the drinks when they're at work.) Then it was haircut time, it was super cool I got a deep conditioner and then a heated rinse. When they couldn't get the tangels out they had to cut it all off. When they started to comb through it they said I had sometype of bugs in it. Or worms I don't know, don't care because now I have a super cool Bob hair cut that curls outward and up. It was super cool hair cut right before they placed a giant matching pink ribbon in my hair. **

**Whatever Charlie was soo happy and gave me a big hug saying _"That's my little girl". _I could've sworn I saw him wipe a tear. I thought it was my prime opportunity to ask if I could still live with him and he said _"Sure thing Bells, I'm not giving up on my baby just yet, were gonna get you the help you need". _The help I need? Sometime I have no idea what Charlies talking about. But, Whatever!**

**So ill be here waiting for you guys. Hope youre all having fun on your vacation.**

**Love you, Miss you mean it. **

**CHARRRRRRRLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WHERE'S MY SPECIAL EDITION, SPARKING JACK RABBIT 2011?** **I LEFT IT IN THE FREEZER?**

**Review, review please. What? I aint too proud to beg...**

**After 10 reviews i'll be sure to update.**

**Peace-**


	6. Chapter 6

It's been a while I know my absolute apologies but, long story short… Alien Abduction! It couldn't be stopped. By the way the "probing" is soooo true.

_**Disclaimer time: It's true I in no way shape or form own any piece of The Twilight Saga, I'm just a poor working girl hitting the streets to make ends meet. I'm absolutely positively OBSESSED with the characters and would much rather attend the Breaking Dawn wedding then the Royal wedding. It's true 4 out of 5 doctors would agree something aint' right! :o) Now back to our program!**_

_I have a super cool Bob hair cut that curls outward and up. It was super cool right before they put a giant matching pink ribbon in my hair. Whatever Charlie was soo happy and gave me a big hug saying "That's my little girl". I could've sworn I saw him wipe a tear. I thought it was my prime opportunity to ask if I could still live with him and he said "Sure thing Bells, Im not giving up on my baby just yet, were gonna get you the help you need". The help I need? Sometime I have no idea what Charlie's talking about. But, Whatever! So ill be here waiting for you guys. Hope you're all having fun on your vacation._

_Miss you mean it. _

_Kisses__-_

Alice,

I warned you and you've ignored my threats it's been FIVE AND I REPEAT FIVE

FREAKING MONTHS 12 days and who cares about the hours and minutes. You clearly are

full of shit Alice and never cared or loved me! So with that being said you'll see I'm a girl of

my word. I will find another vampire I know Forks is crawling with them. And I know just

where to find one…. To be continued.

That's right my dear fake, full of baloney friend.

I've made up my mind and now you see it.

I'm running away from home, bags packed and ready to go. Now where'd Charlie hid my

Bic's?

Plan B List:

Flashlight

High heels

Short shorts

Tight top

Red lipstick

Tent/ Blanket

Yep that sounds about right.

See you whenever Alice!

**Dun, dun, dunnn Uhh Ohh what is that crazy Bella up to now?**

**I guess well have to wait and see. Hollah at your girl reviews are loved and needed. Don't worry will update within two days I promise I'm working on it right now.**


	7. Chapter 7

Still recovering from the whole "probing" incident. [Ouch!] I don't get it why? What were they looking for in there? Ice pack and floating device on hand. Let's begin!

_**Disclaimer time: It's true I in no way shape or form own any piece of The Twilight Saga, I'm just a poor working girl who's' hitting the pavement as we speak. I'm absolutely positively OBSESSED with the characters and I do not believe they put a man on the moon, man on the mooon.(REM) It's true 4 out of 5 doctors would agree, I'm one Ace away from a full deck.**_

_Plan B List:_

_Flashlight_

_High heels_

_Short shorts_

_Tight top_

_Red lipstick_

_Tent/ Blanket_

_Yep that sounds about right._

_See you whenever Alice!_

* * *

Alice,

After reading my Little Red Riding Hood book that Charlie bought me when I was a kid. It got me thinking

what if…..

_Damn it Charlie ! Yes I took my_ _Haloperidol Geez (Not!) _

Charlie really needs to loosen up.

[Don't lie to me Bells]

**So, I had an idea… I'm going to do exactly what I said I would, I'm going to find me a VAMPIRE! **

LOL why didn't I do this early. Yep, if I were you I'd get myself over here immediately. I think I'll even shower for

the occasion and use soap this time. I wasn't to be nice, fresh and appealing for what I'm about to do.

**TTFN! Bye Alley LOL I'm sooo freakin' excited.**

And as you probably have noticed I'm dead (pun intended) serious.

Bye Alice mean it love you. :o)

* * *

After showering I felt really weird like everything was going in slow motion but way too fast at the same time.

Maybe it was the 15 aspirins I took. I looked super hot in my short denim shorts I might have made at cut up the

side, on both sides. But I was only doing this once and it had to be done right. Super tight red tank top and red

platform sneakers on(the pumps wouldn't due where I was going) and red lip gloss on. My hair done naturally

curly down my back. I almost didn't recognize the girl looking back at me she looked like a straight vixen. I

growled at myself in the mirror and did a hand claw motion as I headed out into my backyard yelling to Charlie I

would see him later.

I made it to the forest border behind my house took out my razor and made a few cuts on my arms and legs then

finally across my wrist. No turning back now I said to myself as I walked into the thick of the woods. I made it

about a quarter mile in when I started to feel light headed. I walked a few more steps and decided to take a

break. I sat down and noticed all the blood I was leaking everywhere I looked like a horror film victim. I couldn't

stop laughing. I could hear faint music, regaee music oh a party. I've gotta find where its coming from. I got up

too fast and sat back down it seemed like the music was coming to me. For the first time I thought oh shit, what

have I done Charlie's gonna kill me. Just as I thought this a delicious looking dude with long perfect dreadlocks

came into view with an old fashion boom box like from the 80's blasting Bob Marley music and singing along in

between him smoking the largest blunt I ever saw. "Don't worry bout a ting, every little ting is gonna be all right".

OMG a real Rastafarian guy in Forks he was gorgeous tall dark and handsome. Looks like my luck just changed I

thought. I tried to stand up and before I knew it he was standing in front of me with this look on his face. A primal

look a look like he could eat me alive and I so hoped he would in every way.

"Well, well what we got ere?" he said "It looks like me found red ridin' ood out ere". Bob Marley music still playing

from somewhere in the background. Right before I passed out I saw his eyes as he pulled down his dark

sunglasses.

Bright red eyes stared back at me, he must smoke a lot of weed I thought and everything went black.

* * *

Ire I know.

Stay tuned. Thanks to one of my bestie's Cagninja this story is about to take a super funny change. I love ya Ninja *muah* Bare with me and sorry took so long to update, but life happened. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it.

:O) Aliens!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form own anything Twilight. I am just a lowly hard working peasant who hits the streets daily in search of the real Emmette Cullen.**

_"Well, well what we got ere?" he said "It looks like me found red ridin' ood out ere". _

_Bob Marley music still playing from somewhere in the background._

_Right before I passed out I saw his eyes as he pulled down his dark sunglasses._

_Bright red eyes stared back at me, he must smoke a lot of weed I thought and everything went black._

* * *

Damn, I was having the best dream ever. I was on **MTV's MADE** show and the cereal guy **Count Chocula** was

teaching me how to be a vampire. It was sooo cool, I mean he wasn't a cartoon guy like on the cereal box, but he

was more like one of those _**Crank Yanker **_puppet people. But he was **real** I mean like a real life puppet vampire

guy. Now that I think about it, it sounds super weird but that's not even the best part. The best part was he was

training me to be a vampire **a real VAMPIRE** **!**

Once I learned all that I needed to, Count Chocula said "You have done vedy vedy well, aghh aggh aghh now

come my child and enjoy all this chocolaty goodness". [He did this little pelvic swirl and pump thing while he said

this] Then he opened his big dark chocolate cape and I was in heaven. I just _knew_ I was about to be **MADE**!

As I walked towards him ready to enter his cool embrace he opened his oversized deep chocolate colored cloak

and I thought _man he even smells like chocolate_ and that's when it happened …

I opened my eyes.

Eff my life! Even in my dreams I can't get a vampire to turn me.

Just as I was about to throw a tantrum on the floor I realized I was indeed laying on the grass covered ground.

Which made we think why was I laying on the ground? Then everything starts to come back to me and I think Oh

Snap!

* * *

Dun, Dun, Dun!

Yes It's a short chapter but hopefully one that gave you some chuckles.

And Yes, I'm alive but lets just put it like this …. Toll Trolls, Don't trust em!

Thanks for still reading.

Vic-


	9. Chapter 9

_As I walked towards him ready to enter his cool embrace he opened his oversized deep chocolate colored cloak_

_and I thought man he even smells like chocolate and that's when it happened …_

_I opened my eyes._

_Eff my life! Even in my dreams I can't get a vampire to turn me._

_Just as I was about to throw a tantrum on the floor I realized I was indeed laying on the grass covered ground._

_Which made we think why was I laying on the ground? Then everything starts to come back to me and I think Oh_

_Snap!_

* * *

**Disclaimer: Guess what! [Insert David Lee Roth voice] Eyeeeeeeeeeeee aint got no mon-ney, no mon-ney, no mon-ney, no mon-ney, no mon-ney, no mon-ney, no mon-ney. Therefore i do not own Twilight or any of the characters. i just like playing with them to create silly stories that hopefully make you laugh.**

**As always for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!**

Just as I was about to throw a tantrum on the floor I realized I was indeed laying on the grass covered ground. Which made we think why was I laying on the ground? Then everything starts to come back to me and I think Oh

Snap!

Something cold and wet was crawling on my face. As i started to come back to life i heard the heavy breathing like deep heavy sicko pervert on the phone breathing, Then i smelled it oh boy did i smell it and the smell went straight

to my now throbbing vagina.

It was the absolute best smell i've ever smelled. And I immediately knew I could never live without this woodsy, salty, beach, musk smells like a field of sunflowers swaying in the sun while i skip

through it and could it be dirty dog?

That thought made me open my eyes. What i saw made my eyes buldge out of my head.

Visualize the largest dog you have ever seen and times that by ten! This was like a miracle grow dog like a dog on steroids. Could it be a hairy horse i wondered?

Holy shit after removing the saliva slop off my face and the eye crust out I was able to get a closer look and just as i did the dog belted out the loudest howl.

Thats when I heard Edwad Cullens voice for the first time in months he spoke to me and said "Thats not a dog Bella, its a wolf, Run".

While i was asleep this wolf/dog licked all of my cuts, I was no longer bleeding and and i almost had no scarring. It was as if the whole thing never happen.

Hey where'd the Rhasta guy go? I got on my knees in an attempt to get up and look around for Mr Jamaican me crazy.

When i did this i mustve spooked the dog because he ran away as he ran away it felt like the whole forest shook. i sat back down, now what am i going to do, i thought to myself. No sooner that Marmaduke left did this gorgeous

and i mean gorgeous supurb magnificent brown/bronzed Ken doll on steroids figure walked up to me with this silky straight black hair. He looked like a walking hard on, showing his pelvic V shape muscular outline to what i hoped

was the mother of all Johnson's.

As he tucked his Johnson into his tight ass cut of jeans. Well hello Sir was all i could think as i wiped the saliva from my mouth. He was gorgeous and all i could think was edward Cullen who?

"Don't do it Bella", Edwards voice came from behind me, i spun round as fast as i could but he was gone.

"Edward!" I yelled. "EDWARD". No answer.

The gorgeous man im assuming with a sweet face cocked his head to side like an adorable yet confused puppy would do with an amused look on his face. And with that simple gesture he made my vagina pulse back to life.

"Where did who go Bells?"

"Edward, Edward Cullen just here", i said frantically

His whole demeanor changed. You mean that creep that left you in the woods? He said an he flexed his muscles while leaning on a nearby tree.

Look i dont know who you are but i just heard him, he was just here. I said

The half naked lumberjack just shook his head and his lucious straight locks with him and said "No ones here but you and I Bella."

Did you see him? I asked, Where did he go?

The gorgeous mountain finally spoke and his deep voice said once again "**Bella, its just you and I out here, no. one. else**"

* * *

Hope you likey. Dont give up on me people. Ive been away saving trees in the Amazon. (well if i was given free tickets i would)

As always please review.

Thanks Vic-


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